


Camillas

by Narrissic



Series: Ereri [8]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: EREN IS 18!, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, haha - Freeform, tw!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:55:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narrissic/pseuds/Narrissic
Summary: Needing some relief, Levi stood, wandered to the bathroom, and found himself in the mirror. He looked unsightly to say the least.He could feel the tears building up in his eyes, the cries in his throat, the stone in his chest weighing heavy on him.He just simply couldn't deal with this.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Series: Ereri [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923106
Kudos: 21





	Camillas

"Nothing."

"Levi!" Eren slammed his fist on the table, startling them both. "What's wrong?"

"Eren! Dammit, I said nothing!"

Eren rubbed his face and sighed. "I know something's wrong though.. you don't touch your tea, you're not reading, you've barely been cleaning.." He exclaimed, "I know something's wrong!"

"Just leave it alone, Eren."

Levi stood.

"I'm okay."

And Eren, against his better judgement, did. For Levi.

That evening, Levi spent some extra time in the bathroom, fiddling with blades. 

As an adolescent, he was an avid self-harmer, which you wouldn't understand just by looking at him, but no one is perfect. 

After he felt content, he shuffled back down his pant leg and got in bed with Eren. 

Eren put down his book. "Hey." 

Levi snorted. "Hi, Eren."

He got in bed beside him. 

"You okay?"

"I've told you, yes. I just need my hair a certain way before I sleep, you know that."

Eren did know that. 

"Okay, just making sure," he affirmed, and embraced him. 

They laid down together, gazing into each other's eyes before they began to kiss. 

They kissed deeply, and Eren started sliding his hand down Levi's thigh, to which he startled and audibly flinched. 

Eren pulled away, and cocked his head a little. 

"Levi?"

"Sorry.."

They pulled away from each other, and Eren filled the sickening silence. "Are you self-harming again?"

The betrayal in his eyes. 

Levi won't soon forget that. 

"Eren-"

"Levi.."

Eren was shaking minutely and there was a tremble in his voice. 

"Please don't do it anymore. Please?"

Eren was angry, that much was evident to Levi. Eren's shaking betrayed him. 

"You're angry."

"Levi- of course I'm angry!" Eren threw his arms up in the air. "You didn't tell me!"

Levi was quiet. He just wanted to sleep. 

"Promise me you won't do it anymore."

Levi quirked just brow at him. "What?"

"Promise me you won't do it anymore, Levi! This is a huge problem."

"Or I'm a problem," Levi mumbled; he rubbed his face. 

"You're not," Eren reconciled. "I'm just worried about you."

"I'm going to sleep."

"Levi.."

But Levi went to sleep, and for once Eren decided to leave him be. 

Levi woke the next morning, but Eren was already gone to work. The only evidence of his present was a note by the bedside. 

Levi-

I love you baby. I'm sorry. Please be safe, and have a great day.

Love, Eren

Levi put his head in his hands and crumpled up the note, holding it to his chest. 

He just simply couldn't deal with this. 

This guilt in his chest, making his heart feel like a stone. 

He couldn't do something as simple as make a promise to Eren, and he couldn't cope by himself either. 

Needing some relief, Levi stood, wandered to the bathroom, and found himself in the mirror. He looked unsightly to say the least. 

He could feel the tears building up in his eyes, the cries in his throat, the stone in his chest weighing heavy on him. 

He just simply couldn't deal with this. 

And so he tore open the drawer. 

And he cut.

And cut. 

And cut.

Skin erupted with red before him, and he thought he had never seen anything more beautiful, except. 

The shock from the sudden wounds blotted out Levi's vision suddenly, and he fell to the floor. 

"Fuck.." he muttered, but it was a bit late. 

He was bleeding buckets practically, and just when he thought that this is what he wanted, panic filled him. 

"Fuck," he muttered again. "Fuck fuck fuck-"

Levi stumbled up, and opened the linen closet, but they were nowhere to be seen: the bandages. 

"Dammit!"

Levi's mind raced, and, upon finding that he had no other choice besides napkins that wouldn't do shit, he staggered to the living room where his phone lay strewn on the coffee table.

It rung twice before he picked up.

As calmly as he possibly could, Levi asked, "Eren, where are the bandages?"

Eren's reaction was immediate. "Fucking hell, Levi, please tell me you just cut yourself shaving.. you know where the bandaids are.."

"I need help."

"I know."

Not in that way!

Levi blinked. He felt suddenly warmer. "Eren? Can you tell me where the bandages are?"

"Did you hurt yourself?"

Levi didn't want to admit it, but he faltered. 

"I.. did. Eren.."

What was he going to say again?

"How bad is it?"

Levi could no longer remember what he was saying, and he was lying on the floor, and he was still bleeding, and he didn't understand Eren either, and.

"I love you."

That's all he could think to say. He could tell he was just about to let go, a feeling almost akin to falling asleep, he thought, before giving in. 

"Levi!? Answer me, baby, how bad is it?"

"W-What?"

"What?"

Eren was sitting beside him; beyond what Levi could see, was a field of camellias. 

It was beautiful. 

"Wait, what did you say?"

"I didn't say anything," Eren insisted, and put his hand over his. "It sure is beautiful here, isn't it?"

"Yeah.." Levi blinked. "Is this heaven?"

"Who knows? What matters is, are you happy?"

"With you, always," Levi smirked, and Eren laughed. 

"I'm really tired."

..

"We just got here though. Surely you don't wanna leave."

"I think I do.." Levi tried to stand, and faltered. 

"Hey, lemme help you."

Levi let Eren help him up. 

Levi smiled slightly, but when he glanced at Eren in front of him, he wore a face of absolute terror. He was splattered with blood, across his face, across his clothes. 

"What did you do!?"

He took him by the shoulders. 

"Answer me! Levi!"

Eren was above him, and he was back in the place they called home, sporadically wrapping and wrapping his arm. 

He wore that same face of terror. 

"Levi! Baby! Can you hear me?"

Eren cupped his cheek for a second, then hurriedly returned back to wrapping Levi's arm. He had already wrapped one with bandages. It was a terrible job.

"I'm sorry.. I thought.."

"Fuck, I have to take you to the hospital."

"..We can't afford-"

"I'll do whatever it takes!" Eren roared. "Stay awake! Keep talking! What happened?"

Levi stared up at the ceiling. "I didn't want you to be.. unhappy anymore."

"I'm never unhappy with you," Eren sobbed, and tightened the bandage so much it hurt. The blood wasn't soaking through what must've been his third layer. "I was mad I know that, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. There. Is that all the bleeding? Did you hurt yourself anywhere else?"

"I.. no."

Levi hadn't. 

"Okay." 

Eren took a deep breath, still crying, and held him close to his chest. "Tell me why I shouldn't take you to the hospital."

"I'm awake," Levi stated quietly. "I won't fall asleep again. Promise."

That was the first promise Levi had made in a while, and Eren realized this too with a slight widening of his eyes. 

"Okay."

As it turned out a few days later, Levi would need stitches.

He had approached the habit of picking at them, to which Eren would slap his hand every time he did it. 

"Ugh," Levi muttered as he did just that while they were laying in bed a month later. "Do you always have to do that?"

"I'll do anything to keep you safe," Eren returned, as grave as that day. 

Levi looked down at himself. He felt terrible. He felt guilty.

"I.. I'm sorry."

Eren took Levi's hands.

"Please promise me something?"

Levi perked up. Surely he wouldn't be asking..

"Promise to stay with me. As long as you love me. Promise me that. I won't ask you to promise to stop hurting yourself and I won't ask you to promise not to do what you want. I just wanna know.." Eren looked up at him. "That you'll stay. As long as you love me."

Levi hadn't been expecting that, and it was an unexpectedly nice surprise. He weighed on it in his head, and immediately replied.

"I promise."

Years fell off Eren's face. "Thank you. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did when you first started doing it again. I'm sorry."

"Something happened while I was passed out, before you got back to the apartment."

Eren perked up a little. "What happened?"

Levi got a little closer and put his hand over Eren's own. 

"I think it was my mind's way of convincing me not to die. You were with me, and you helped me stand up. I just thought you should know."

"Oh."

Eren put his other hand over Levi's own. "I'm glad you listened."

He brushed their heads together. "Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> remember, if there is light, it will find you.


End file.
